It’s easy. Just plunk down a few million dollars and buy one of their houses. In fact, you can have Kenny Rogers Atlanta estate for a cool 8 million. He decoracted it all himself. He’s taking his playboy playmate wife (I think her twin sister moved out recently. I’m not kidding. A TWIN sister) and the rest of the family and moving to a ranch out in the country. Click here to check out Kenny’s humble abode.

About two years before my wife Jeanne passed away she started a photography business. It was more of a hobby really, a great way to express her creative side and pay for the expensive toys that accompany such a pasttime. She did everything by the book. She created a business plan, filed a dba, got a loan and filed all the appropriate forms with the NYS state taxation department. They’re great at collecting taxes. If you’re a day late with “their” (our) money, there will be a form letter waiting in your mailbox asking for prompt payment. With such a well oiled machine, I’m really at a loss as to why they can’t seem to correct my situation.

      Jeanne passed away in August. She was very ill for the previous year, to the point where she couldn’t work. Admittedly, no paperwork was filed for the first two quarters of 2007. There were no jobs done, no money collected. In the fall of last year I received a letter from NYS saying since they didn’t receive any paperwork about Jeanne’s business, they would estimate how much taxes the photography business could have owed. I called them, sent in a copy of her death certificate, and was told NO PROBLEM…we’ll take care of it from here. You don’t owe NYS anything. That was easy I thought. Yeah. Too easy. The story goes on and on.

     In March, I received another letter saying the company owed taxes. AGAIN, I called the NYS taxation department and AGAIN told them the story of what happened and AGAIN faxed in all the forms I needed to in order to prove there were no taxes owed. NO PROBLEM….we’ll take care of it from here. You don’t owe NYS anything.         

      Zoom ahead a month, I have my taxes done and find out I’m getting a $500 refund from NYS. Cool! Well, not really. NYS TOOK MY MONEY and said it was for taxes owed on my wifes business. Yes, the business that had done nothing for close to a year and generated zero income. They had been told that through all the proper channels twice. The business that I was told is all set, we don’t owe them anything. I made my third call to the NYS taxation department almost two weeks ago. Faxed the forms, explained the situation. NO PROBLEM…we’ll take care of it from here. You don’t owe NYS anything.  

       Today, waiting in my mailbox….wait for it…yes, another form telling me the business (which no longer exists, and had the dba closed out to stop all this nonsense) owes back taxes for the latest quarter. Are you guys kidding me? The last time I called, just for the heck of it, I asked if there were any notations on the tax id number explaining the situation. “No, I don’t see any sir” I was told. Translation: 2 idiot state employees didn’t bother to note the situation on the business account. The third person I spoke with told me everything would be taken care of but low and behold it wasn’t. Look closely, this is my shocked face. I’m sorry about the idiot comment. I shouldn’t have said that. I should actually have said 3 idiot state employees, because the last one I talked to obviously didn’t do her job correctly either. They now have three copies of my wifes death certificate. Not only is this painful on a personal level to deal with, but it’s also painful to know these three people who will draw a state pension when they leave their cushy civil service state jobs are so inept at their jobs that I will now have to deal with this for a fourth time.

      ATTENTION NYS TAXATION DEPARTMENT: I’M DONE. YOU WIN. COME GET YOUR MONEY. I’M ON THE AIR EVERY WEEKDAY FROM 3-7. I’LL GLADLY WRITE YOU A CHECK FOR THE BACK TAXES I DON’T OWE AS I TELL EVERYONE LISTENING WHAT AN INCREDIBLY WONDERFUL JOB YOU PEOPLE ARE DOING FOR THE CITIZENS OF NEW YORK. My secret fantasy is that somehow a link to this story will get forwarded to a state legislator and they will come galloping to my rescue. My knight in shining armor to keep the evil tax man at bay. Ok, actually, I’m just hoping my FOURTH attempt to call these people will result in somebody actually doing their job correctly. I’ll settle for that. I’ve become complacent and expectant of crappy service when I walk into a store or fast food restaurant where they pay people minimum wage. I don’t expect that kind of service from people pulling down 50 G a year. What a waste of our taxe dollars. Schools don’t have books. The city is laying off firemen to balance the budget. Yet inept and incompetent civil servents are left in place collecting a paycheck for a job done horribly.  

     The other day I was walking thru Wal Mart with my little guy who will be four in a couple of weeks. He refused to nap earlier in the day. I know what I’m in for when that happens. Usually extremes….giggles and tantrums. I forget what he was freaking out about but the tantrum hit, and it was loud and unending. I was cool the entire time. Like I said, I knew it was coming so I just did what I had to do and went on my merry way. As I was carrying Aidan out of the store a couple passed us by. The young lady, I’m guessing in her mid 20’s, was several months pregnant. The look of sheer terror in their faces as they observed the tantrum almost stopped me in my tracks. “Is THAT what we’re in for? I didn’t sign up for this.” I don’t know if those were the words rolling thru their minds, but it sure was the message that was passing thru their central nervous system to their faces. Yes guys, that is what your in for. BUT….you’re also in for more love than you could ever imagine. That little baby will sometimes make you want to run for the hills, but in my experience, the hugs and kisses you get will far outweigh anything you’ll experience during a tantrum out in public. You’ll survive just fine. Now please step aside so I can get my screaming kid out of the store. Thanks.